Wendy Shalit is a young woman of no modest accomplishments. Yet, it’s modesty itself that has given her a national platform.

In 1999, just two years after graduating from Williams College, she wrote the bestseller A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue. The response she received from young women prompted her to launch the blog Modestly Yours (online at blogs.modestlyyours.net). Last year she wrote Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to Be Good (see GirlsGoneMild.com), which was republished this summer as The Good Girl Revolution, a paperback edition with a study guide.

Shalit, who is Jewish and lives with her husband and son in Toronto, spoke with Register correspondent Lori Hadacek Chaplin.

Some of what you’ve written paints a very bleak picture. What signs of hope do you see for the future?

Well, ultimately, my books have a very positive message. The truly amazing thing is seeing how many young women are rebelling against the low standards our society sets for them. I’m actually very optimistic after talking with more than 100 young women who are leaders in the personal-dignity movement. So many are committed to giving their own daughters very different advice from the sort they received. I think that’s great.

I’m also optimistic because of the studies showing that young people think virginity is much less “embarrassing” than their parents assume, the studies showing that young people are looking for more wholesome role models, the sheer number of girls who are speaking out and taking a stand — even in the face of criticism from their own parents. I think we’re on the cusp of a paradigm shift.

It seems our culture starts objectifying girls at such an early age. Do you agree?

Even though the Bratz dolls and such really can make you want to despair, I think when a girl becomes objectified is less a function of age than the kind of parents she has. Obviously, if you have a mom who tells you to wear tighter shirts “because that’s what the boys want,” then it’s going to be tough. But if you have a parent who takes seriously the concept of guarding your innocence and giving the daughter a lot of love and the opportunity to discover what she wants her life to be about, she’s much less likely to end up obsessing over if she’s “hot enough” for complete strangers.

Why has it become more socially acceptable to be a bad girl than a “prude girl”?

Well, since the 1960s, what we’ve been told about modesty is a lie, largely promulgated by the media with a vested interest in making a parody of the concept of modesty. We tend to misunderstand modesty as repression. If you want to dress modestly or maintain your purity until marriage, people will ask you: “Are you uncomfortable with your body? Are you ashamed of it?”

But the reason to have high standards for your relationships has nothing to do with shame; it’s to protect the inner core of your person and to make real intimacy possible.

True modesty is the opposite of shame. But today, unhealthy relationships are glamorized and having high standards is seen as pathological. So obviously, in such a situation, it’s the “good girls” who are the true rebels today and the so-called “bad girls” who are the conformists.

You also write that the contemporary concept of women’s liberation — being blasé about “hooking up,” for example — actually undermines girls in ways that would have been unthinkable in previous generations. Will you elaborate?

Well, nearly every magazine or online advice column is forever telling young women that being emotionally detached from their [romantic partnerships] is a sign of maturity. In Girls Gone Mild, I challenge these advocates of “emotional repression.” Caring is what makes us human — it’s wonderful that we care! Let’s value that instead of making fun of it.

And guess what? Caring is also what makes intimacy exciting and more than just brushing your teeth. In fact, even mainstream therapists are now speaking out about this. Yet, the conventional expectation today — that a girl should be jaded — still persists. And I argue that this is much more misogynistic than the old expectation for a girl to grow up to be a good wife. Having to pretend you’re jaded when you really care requires that a woman be very alienated from her female nature.

Many baby boomers expect their children to not wait for marriage. Why do you think that is?

Well, most baby boomers mean well, but they don’t really get how their rebellion has become an entrenched status quo. Younger girls are looking for a new definition of empowerment. Experimentation with intimacy, it turns out, does not lead to happiness; frankly, girls are dealing with the consequences of the sexual revolution in a way their own mothers and grandmothers didn’t.

For example, the hook-up scene is the norm on college campuses, yet, at the same time, a majority report that they’re unhappy with the hook-up scene. Even those who are active in it report that, for the most part, they’re active not because being active is particularly gratifying, but simply because it has become the norm. To many young women — and men — this behavior is not liberation. It’s being sheep.

So naturally, girls are opting out in increasing numbers and trying to stay true to their own hopes. All the personal attacks I get are from baby boomers — while 99% of my support comes from high school and college girls.

How can mothers protect their daughters from a culture that is dangerous to women spiritually, mentally and physically? How about sons? Any advice for our readers?

I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but to me, it’s all about love. When your child knows that you really care and want the best for her, then your advice has real meaning. It’s no different with sons: Demonstrating love is the difference between an arbitrary rule and trusted advice.

I was fascinated to find out that every single role model I interviewed had at least one parent who showed that they believed in them. That’s what gave them confidence to stand up to their peers and the messages they get from the media.

Lori Hadacek Chaplin is

based in Forest City, Iowa.

Do blog da Frente Universitária Lepanto:

Publicamos neste blog um vídeo bastante impressionante de um fato que ocorreu recentemente na Argentina.

Na cidade de Neuquén, localizada ao norte da Patagônia, próxima ao Chile, houve de 16 a 18 de agosto p.p. um "Encuentro Nacional de Mujeres", de tom feminista.

No dia 17, as manifestantes mais radicais, muitas delas lésbicas, fizeram uma marcha pelo centro da cidade, que a certa altura passaria em frente à Catedral. Previamente um grupo grande de pessoas, em sua maioria jovens, se colocou no átrio da Catedral para defendê-la de possíveis atentados como os que já haviam ocorridos em manifestações análogas.

Antes da chegada da marcha, o bispo local tentou dissuadir aos rapazes de permanecer ali, convidando-os a entrar na catedral, mas eles assim não fizeram. Quando a marcha chegou, com cantos e gritos blasfemos e soezes, que davam um tom de carnaval infernal, os rapazes começaram a rezar calmamente o Rosário em voz alta.

As feministas, e também alguns homens, ao passar diante deles lançaram, aos jovens e à Igreja, as piores injúrias, provocando-os de todas as formas, inclusive cuspindo no rosto dos rapazes – como se vê no vídeo. Arrancaram deles uma grande faixa com as cores da bandeira argentina que os católicos portavam e a queimaram; praticaram ainda outras violências, mas os jovens ignoraram as provocações e continuaram rezando serenamente, o que os deu uma inquestionável superioridade, até que chegou a polícia e se interpôs entre os rapazes e as feministas, que acabaram retirando-se.

Abaixo, a apresentação de um importantíssimo documento dos Bispos peruanos, sobre os temas tratados neste blog. A tradução do castelhano foi feita pelo pessoal do Veritatis Splendor, que também a publicou.

Leia o documento inteiro clicando aqui.

Boa leitura!

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Conferência Episcopal Peruana

Comissão Episcopal do Apostolado Leigo

Comissão Ad-Hoc da Mulher

A IDEOLOGIA DO GÊNERO: SEUS PERIGOS E ALCANCES

APRESENTAÇÃO

Tem-se ouvido durante estes últimos anos a expressão "gênero" e muitos imaginam que é apenas uma outra maneira de se referir à divisão da humanidade em dois sexos. Porém, por detrás desta palavra se esconde toda uma ideologia que pretende, precisamente, modificar o pensamento dos seres humanos acerca desta estrutura bipolar.

Os proponentes desta ideologia querem afirmar que as diferenças entre o homem e a mulher, fora as óbvias diferenças anatômicas, não correspondem a uma natureza fixa que torne alguns seres humanos homens e, a outros, mulheres. Pensam, além disso, que as diferenças de pensar, agir e valorizar a si mesmos são produto da cultura de um país e de uma época determinadas, que atribui a cada grupo de pessoas uma série de características que se explicam pelas conveniências das estruturas sociais de certa sociedade.

Querem se rebelar contra isto e deixar à liberdade de cada um o tipo de "gênero" a que quer pertencer, todos igualmente válidos. Isto faz com que homens e mulheres heterossexuais, os homossexuais, as lésbicas e os bissexuais sejam apenas modos de comportamento sexual produto da escolha de cada pessoa, liberdade que todos os demais devem respeitar.

Não é necessária muita reflexão para se dar conta de quão revolucionária é esta posição e das conseqüências que implicam a negação de que há uma natureza dada a cada um dos seres humanos por seu capital genético. Dilui-se a diferença entre os sexos como algo convencionalmente atribuído pela sociedade e cada um pode "inventar" a si mesmo.

Toda a moral fica à livre decisão do indivíduo e desaparece a diferença entre o permitido e o proibido nesta matéria. As conseqüências religiosas são também óbvias. É conveniente que o público em geral perceba claramente o que tudo isto significa, pois os proponentes desta ideologia usam sistematicamente uma linguagem equívoca para poder se infiltrar mais facilmente no ambiente, enquanto habituam as pessoas a pensar como eles. Este livreto pode auxiliar muito na precisão dos conceitos e chamar a uma tomada de posição em relação à mencionada ideologia.

Mons. Oscar Alzamora Revoredo, S.M.
Bispo Auxiliar de Lima - Membro da CEAL
Lima, Abril 1998.